The Woman

"Nobody objects to a woman being a good writer, sculptor, professor, or athlete
if at the same time she manages to be a good wife, a good mother, good-looking, well-tempered,
well-dressed, well-groomed, and utterly passive."
~Marya Mannes

There is no doubt that we have come a long way when it comes to defining women's roles in our American society over the past century. Women can work outside the home. Women can follow their own passions when it comes to leisure activities or political movements. Women can vote. Women can wear pants. But women are not merely permitted to engage in all of these venues of life -- they are required to engage in all of them, simultaneously and without flaw. Super Mom has become Super Woman, and the additional privileges that have been granted to this gender have brought with them a categorically more demanding list of expectations.

What we've found in Deb Bettencourt is a woman who has surpassed the definition of Super Woman as it has been laid out for her. Deb defines herself: a recreational athlete, a chaperone, a coach, a country music lover, a manager, a future mother, a partner, a Red Sox fan, a sister -- but above all, a woman.

We asked Deb at one point during our interview what single word her best friend would use to describe her. Deb's answer? "BUSY! Becky and I used to set aside one day a week to get together, but I can no longer commit so it has been tough. Other than that, she would probably say KIND." There is no doubt in our minds that Deb is an incredibly busy woman, who rarely gets home before 7:00pm after waking up at 5:30am to start the events of her day -- a product of her childhood job of delivering newspapers. Her kindness has shone through over the past several weeks, with cheerful e-mails, thoughtful answers to our questions, and a thank you note that arrived in our inbox before we had even made it home from meeting with her!

But what words would the four of us use to describe Deb after our brief but memorable encounter with her?

The first would have to be passionate. This is a woman who follows her heart and never completes any task without giving 100% of herself to the activity at hand.

She is driven to accomplish those tasks that hold meaning for her and to continue making room in her life for those people who and projects that matter most to her.

Deb's passion and her drive have led her to be a very successful woman. She has overcome a number of struggles to become the woman she is today. There are few if any facets in which Deb might see herself as having fallen short of her own expectations, and the high standards that she sets for herself will only filter out to those she meets and further contribute to their own success.

Cheerful and funny -- even in the four hours that we spent talking to Deb in her office and watching her down on the baseball field that has become her second home, her demeanor was apparent. Her sense of humor serves as a magnet to bring others close to her. For those of us who want nothing more than to wake up and enjoy life every day, this is a woman from whom many valuable lessons might be learned.

And undoubtedly, the four of us would have to use the word inspiring to describe Deb Bettencourt. This course, this project, and this website have been among the most memorable and touching experiences that we have yet had in our three years here at Elmira College, and it is one that we will remember long after we leave here.